White coat. Heels.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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