i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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