Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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