wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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