worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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