from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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