Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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