need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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