Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize