dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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