Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize