I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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