he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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