yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize