Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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