Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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