I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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