once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize