If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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