i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize