I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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