I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize