Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we should paint friendship bongs
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