This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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