tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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