how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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