it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize