What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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