I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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