How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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