No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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