I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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