I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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