My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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