Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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