Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just cut my nipple shaving
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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