I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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