the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize