I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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