idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I puked a lego.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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