I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize