i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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