"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize