Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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