dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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