we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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