You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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