At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize