My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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