I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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